Tag: thanksgiving
#13 the M.A.B.D.S.T.T.F.
The M.A.B.D.S.T.T.F. was once a turkey of larger than average size towering over all other turkeys never to be slain for it was invariably connected to the Holiday Cheer of Thanksgiving… however as people started to overlook Thanksgiving more and more with stores staying open during thanksgiving and more families being forced to celebrate on different days due to work expectations of employers setting up Black Friday sales on… um… Thursday. (wait… what?) The mythical turkey began to shrink to the size of an average Squirrel…. and because misery loves company the M.A.B.D.S.T.T.F. took to stealing the Squirrels food…. because why should they worry about Christmas BEFORE THANKSGIVING… oh… they store that food for survival? You mean they aren’t hiding those nuts as early Christmas gifts for other squirrels? Oh… well I guess the M.A.B.D.S.T.T.F. is kind of a Jerk then.
#11 The Purple Pilgrim
Actually based on this image…
Every year I get a new interpretation on Pilgrims from my younger students… last year it was the evil rich pilgrim…Â This year? Blue and Purple Pilgrims… I imagine that the Purple Pilgrim being involved in the annual grape stomp making wine for their church… was involved in a horrible accident where he fell into the mash, was stomped, and inevitably, unfortunately, he… “dyed”.
He rose again filled with a terrible rage… a pre-libation RAGE!
#24 – The Gravy Giver
#24 – The Gravy Giver
Typically at a large Thanksgiving gathering there is someone who wants others to increase their caloric intake. This person is usually fit and likely went to the gym before stopping by the big event. Their weapon of choice at the table, the Gravy Boat. For some reason they want to encourage everyone to saturate their foodstuffs with that fattening gravy.
But let’s be honest, we encourage that person because almost every part of the Thanksgiving meal is made better with a large helping of Gravy. Turkey, Stuffing, Mashed Potatoes, and rolls all have no issue being drowned in the brown manna from the heavens.
So for that one day a year, who cares if the Gravy Giver has mental issues regarding their body image so they want everyone else to get fatter. Bring on the gravy and keep it flowing until you can eat no more.
#22 The Pilgrim 1%
The Pilgrim 1%
Are You ready for this? I teach art at an elementary school and we’ve been doing pilgrims… so I have a student we’ll call him Timmy (names have been changed) he is coloring his pilgrim red… this is what followed.
Me: Timmy? I see you are coloring your pilgrim red, Pilgrims usually wore basic black and white clothing…
Timmy: I’m making an EVIL pilgrim. Evil pilgrims wear Red, black is for good guys but my pilgrim is evil… and nothing is more evil than fire, so he has FIRE that comes out of the top of his hat. He is RICH he has a billion dollars in a stack and red eyes.
Me: *speechless*
It occurred to me later that this HAD to be the 1% of pilgrims as I had not ever heard of Evil pilgrims who were also billionaires… hence I am sharing this information with you. Thank you Timmy for enlightening all of us to the dangers of Thanksgiving history… it makes the 99% of Pilgrims seem a little less heinous in the light of this new information.
Happy Occupy Thanksgiving!
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