Tag: polite

#9 – Pop Guns’ Blueberry Bunn

POP GUNS TAKE OVER KAFKASTAK!! PRESIDENT SIRRAH WILL HAVE “SEAT OF HONOR” AT TONIGHT’S CONCERT

 GRIEV – Tensions rise behind closed doors at the UN, where rumor has it negotiations between president Istalinov Sirrah and the mediators representing the families of the more than 300 “political prisoners” Sirrah has kept in the nation’s Gulags for almost a decade now have come to an abrupt ending.

It was the dawn of the year 2000 when Sirrah’s “Militant Front for a Unified Kafkastak” movement dethroned the royal family and assumed control of the country. The popular support Sirrah counted with at the time, analysts say, was one of the deciding factors of his victory. However, it’s been a decade of terror for the citizens of the Easter European nation, who went from being oppressed by a despotic monarchy to being oppressed by the military who once were charged with protecting them.

 With civil unrest starting to boil and riots becoming an every day event for the kafkastaki people, the announcement that the overnight world sensation and Billboard chart-breaking Dutch trio “Pop Guns”, who first came into the spotlight with their very controversial cover of Sinatra’s classic “I did it my way” and even more controversial music video which won them their first Grammy, would be having an impromptu concert right in the capital city of Griev has caught everyone in both the entertainment and political world by surprise.

 Spokespersons for the now millionaire group comprised of lead singer/guitarist Raspberry De’Laight, bassist/other lead singer Blueberry Bunn and drummer/backup singer Blackberry Punch have denied the accusations that the concert is a giant marketing plot designed to attract international audiences with what some journalists are already calling “a tasteless display of shock tactics in the face of human tragedy”.

 “The girls have gone completely out of their way and have put themselves and their staff in danger all in the hopes that they can bring a little joy and entertainment to the kafkastakies” said the group’s manager and producer Conrad Teally yesterday morning during a press conference. “The girls have all heard about the situation in Griev and in Kafkastak in general and they very selflessly just wanted to give these good people a small token of good will and solidarity. A few hours of music and levity where they can forget all the ugliness and enjoy themselves”.

 Disingenuous as it may sound to try and sell this as the truth, Teally, who rose to the top of the music industry during the late 70s only to crash and burn alongside Disco during the mid 80s and has miraculously managed to once again catch lighting in the bottle with Pop Guns’ first two albums, is actually not lying. At least, not entirely.

 Inside sources have indeed confirm that Pop Guns’ surprise pit stop in Kafkastak has  aussd the group’s “Triple Fantasy” tour to go almost 5 million dollars over budget in order to have the National Football Plaza ready for tonight’s big show. Ironically though, it seems most of that money will be going directly into the pockets of the Kafkastak Tourism and Culture minister, Vladimir Kolcjac, who was in charge of expediting the process of issuing the multiple permits necessary for Pop Guns to set stage and perform within their borders.

And there is also the matter of president Sirrah receiving a personal invitation from the girls themselves to assist to tonight’s event, which seems to go completely against their hopes of providing the citizens with an escape from their very harsh national reality. Many expect tonight’s festivities to end in tragedy, yet Teally remains optimistic.

 “The girls want to bring the nation together. That is their number one goal tonight. They want to bring the people and the government together under one roof in the hope that music can show them a way to reconcile their differences and work together once again to build a new, better nation. The girls are still young. They’re still idealistic. They truly believe everything I just told you, and God bless them for it”.

***

Blueberry Bunn, or at least that had been the name chosen for her by her handlers, was at that moment fulfilling all of her little rituals and pre-show eccentricities. A superstitious girl since her childhood, Blueberry was busy at the moment going through the band’s catering table.

Contrary to their status as world famous pop stars and would-be divas, Pop Guns’ tour contract only had four small conditions:

• A fully stocked catering table filled with hamburgers, fresh fruit, water and salad.
• Fresh flowers.
• A TV with the remote.
• Absolute privacy after the concert. They’d gladly meet and greet people before the show, but not after.

It was now an hour before the show and Blueberry had already finished most of the giant burger tray, the fruit and the salad being the first thing gone whenever she sat down to eat. The table, however, was stocked to serve at least six people.

Blueberry had no type of eating disorder. That was not the girl her mother had raised her to be. No, Blueberry was able to eat like that and still keep the young, toned body of a 17 year old girl due to the hyper-accelerated metabolism she was born with. One of the side effects of her super speed.

Pop Guns was a front. An incredibly well crafted front. Like the other two, Blueberry had been recruited after careful study, scrutiny and training to be a part of an elite special ops team under the direct supervision of the United Nations security council. The group was born of the necessity of the UN to take action in situations where it’s hands had been tied down and required from direct but plausibly deniable action.

The band cover had been probably the security council’s greatest idea ever. This gave their operatives the freedom to travel everywhere in the World, bypassing even the tightest security thanks to their fame and the image of banality and air headedness that was associated with celebrity disguised them better than any make-up and fake documents the UN could ever provide the girls with.

This was already the Pop Guns’ tenth mission, yet Blueberry would get the pre-concert, pre-mission jitters each and every time regardless. After the concert was over, she would have to be the first inside the hot zone, using her super speed and stealth to infiltrate the main Gulag just outside the capital city to disable the security for her team mates.

She hoped she could avoid using physical violence, which she despised. A good mission, at least for her, meant not having to throw a single punch. Unfortunately, that seemed to be the exception and not the rule.