Tag: parody
#22 The Pilgrim 1%
The Pilgrim 1%
Are You ready for this? I teach art at an elementary school and we’ve been doing pilgrims… so I have a student we’ll call him Timmy (names have been changed) he is coloring his pilgrim red… this is what followed.
Me: Timmy? I see you are coloring your pilgrim red, Pilgrims usually wore basic black and white clothing…
Timmy: I’m making an EVIL pilgrim. Evil pilgrims wear Red, black is for good guys but my pilgrim is evil… and nothing is more evil than fire, so he has FIRE that comes out of the top of his hat. He is RICH he has a billion dollars in a stack and red eyes.
Me: *speechless*
It occurred to me later that this HAD to be the 1% of pilgrims as I had not ever heard of Evil pilgrims who were also billionaires… hence I am sharing this information with you. Thank you Timmy for enlightening all of us to the dangers of Thanksgiving history… it makes the 99% of Pilgrims seem a little less heinous in the light of this new information.
Happy Occupy Thanksgiving!
#7 – Alan Samson and Johnny Hyatt
Oy. Just imagine the MythBusters, only moreso.
Alan and Johnny are the hosts of a hugely popular show called StoryBreakers, on which they examine popular stories and misconceptions under the unblinking eye of science.
At least that’s what they tell people. They usually just look for excuses to blow stuff up.
Alan is the popular face of the show. He’s energetic and outgoing, if a little hard to keep under control at times. He’s not sure which he likes more – making things or destroying things – but the sheer pleasure he gets from doing his show is what drives him. When kids see him on the street, they all want his autograph and to know what it’s like to be a real StoryBreaker. He says that if they study hard in school, maybe they’ll find out someday.
Johnny Hyatt, on the other hand, does not attract children. It would be more accurate to say that he terrifies them. He’s a large, bear-like man, with bushy facial hair and an ever-present knit cap that he wears in any kind of weather. He’s slow to speak, and when he does it’s usually in single words or less, but that quiet hides a very keen mind. He’s brilliant at designing mechanisms for the show, and is a master of explosive technology. His huge fingers are capable of the most delicate movements, and he usually ends up designing most of the experiments. It’s rumored that he has a dark and unpleasant past, but he never talks about it. The only person who knows anything about Johnny is Alan, and Alan’s not saying anything.
Together, though, they are an excellent team. Along with their co-hosts Tom, Gary and Katie, they produce one of the most popular programs on television.
Their most recent show, however, may have been their last. During a routine experiment to see how much C4 they could detonate at once, they accidentally opened a rift into a horrible hell-dimension. Some giant, unspeakable thing was trying to make its way through in order to terrorize our world, and only the StoryBreakers – and every ounce of explosives they could dig up – stood any chance of stopping it.
Read their story here – StoryBreakers
#30Characters Chatter…