Tag: Alex Cormack
# 29 Eggbert
Eggbert traveled to Hollywood to be a famous cartoon duck, but after every studio in town said that cartoon ducks have been done to death, he decided to get a job at a local office and writes scripts on the weekends.
# 28 Dr. Deborah Schwanson
While trying to discover a cure to athletes foot, the worst has happened to Deborah Schwanson.
# 27 Vallery Smith
Just got into 80s rock and has since alienated all her friends.
She is currently a hooker who shoots heroin into her toes.
# 24 Ms. Mabe
Martha is a math teacher from New Brunswick. Every child who gets below a 70, she will torture and murder and will feed the remains to her cats.
# 23 Monsour Creapotoski
Monsour Creapotoski is a vampire in Southern France. He hates it that in zombie movies no one ever calls zombies zombies, but in vampire and werewolf movies they will always say vampires and werewolf. Oh and he is the one who assassinated Arch Duke Ferdinand.
# 21 Thomas the Tight Rope Walker
When Thomas started he found it difficult to make money in the business. Until he started making bets. Here we can see him hamming it up for the crowd, walking over a volcano in Hawaii.
# 20 Hans the Hammer
A hit man for the mob, in 1997 he would announce that it is “hammer time” before killing someone. No one ever told him the MC Hammer reference and his bosses all thought it was hilarious.
#19 PINBALL LIZARD!
It’s a Pinball Lizard, He likes to eat flies, the Pinball Lizard he likes to eat them on bread thats ryyyyyye!
# 18 Howlin’ Pete Kessler
Howlin’ Pete Kessler is a werewolf meaning he is incredible at basketball, and has been a coordinator with the Harlem Globe Trotters since 1985. Basketball may pay the bills, but being a nudist is his life. In 1983 Howlin’ Pete Kessler famously said “Fuck it! No pants!” Inspiration to all nude ghouls all over the world!
# 17 Boris Rohr
The most dangerous man in the Czech Republic, his only fear was his own reflection every morning after a shower.
#16 Brett
Brett had a lot of prospects to be the next nick-toon. He already looked like a mix of Heffer and Mr. Big Head from Rocko’s Modern Life. But when he was caught with Transexual hooker who used to be a nun, things went down hill from there. He is currently a alcoholic living in Baltimore working on a come back.
# 14 Randy Ratowski
As a hit-man, Randy had a hard time murdering those who his bosses told him to take out. He would always want to give them a second chance and forgive them. This obviously made Randy run into problems, and was told to either get rid of his conscious or he would be fired. So he went out and got himself a ridiculous hair cut and since then whenever anyone gives him a funny look, the urge to kill comes naturally. Randy has always been good about thinking outside the box.
#13 Mr. Nerd
On a personal note, Mr. Nerd is the first character I ever made up back in grade school. He was a mix of Jon Arbuckle and every Far Side character ever. He is still on the move and always on the look out for Mrs. Nerd.
#12 The Matrade that just can’t handle the Texas Chainsaw Massacre
Going in he believed it was a true story. He was fine until the scene where the hippie opens up the freezer and the girl is in there, still alive. It just really got to him, that this really happened and all, that he jumps at every other thing.
#11 The Bottomless Pit
Amy Bourque has a hole in her stomach that she can pull anything she imagines out of it. It all started in 1998 for really no reason. The hole just started growing out of her belly button and stopped widening a week after it began. No real reason or explanation was ever concluded. She currently lives in Hawaii and gives money to the Jimmy Fund and the MSPCA.
# 10 Biff “The Skull” Kingsly
Local Champion Surfer Biff Kingsly may have had acid dumped on his head by the local crime boss Ted Grammar, but he still know how to party!
#8 Little Head
Little Head has always hated sci-fi fantasy revenge stories. Then he became one, and has never looked back.
#7 Boris McDermont the Samantha Murderer
In 1990 Boris bought his first Walkman. He would listen to all his favorite grunge bands on the contraption wherever he went. Then in 1994 after listening to Pearl Jam’s “Hey Foxymophandlemama, that’s me” it occurred to Boris that he must murder someone named Samantha Arlington. Now in 2011 he has never found the one Samantha Arlington, but has decided to play it safe and murder any Samantha or Sam or any name that begins with S that happens to come across his path. So if that be your name dear reader, beware any man listening to a Walkman, he is most likely after you!
#6 Audrey the Water Breathing Shark Taming Cat from Milwaukee!
Training sharks like a motherfucker since 1997.
#5 Timothy Andrew Herbert Attorney at Law
Mr. Herbert was born in 1957 in northern Montana. His parents Marsha and Daniel Herbert were both teachers at the Jerz High School and pushed young Timothy in his education. He graduated in 1975 3rd in his class and went on to Boston University to study law. He joined the Zeta Beta Tau fraternity and was president in 1978. He stayed at BU through Law school and has lived in Boston since. Timothy married Kiera Knightley (no relation to the actress) in early 1991 and they currently have three children. He is the president of his own Law firm in Brighton Massachusetts and you can catch his commercials during the day on channel 5. He gives regularly to the MSPCA.
#4 The Great Regurgitator!
Yes dear reader, beware The Great Regurgitator!
Since 1996, Barbara Hendrix was just your average bulimic, until one day, out of revenge she ate her boyfriend after he stepped on her toe when she was wearing sandals! That night going through the motions of having the perfect body/bad breath and screwed up teeth, her boyfriend came out whole and is now her zombie slave! So watch your back dear reader because The Great Regurgitator may be right behind and she is most likely hungry! BWAHAHAHAHAHA! (Thunderclap)
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