Tag: 4th wall breaker

#5 – Cat

This World is a filthy, dangerous place.

Evil clutters the drains of our society, making it drown in misery and corruption.

The throat of truth and righteousness is further and further choked by the hairy hands of crime and villainy.

But evil-doers, wrong-doers and other kinds of doers associated with the previous two… BEWARE!!

For I will be society’s avenging plumber, mooning you with my half-shown cheeks of justice!

I will be peppermint flavored cough drop of hope that will sooth your aching throat after I kick those hairy villain’s hand right in his foul butt!

I AM THE CAT! AND I BORROW THE NIGHT!

I borrow it because saying I own it is the kind of thing that egomaniacal super-villain types say. I must remain forever humble and servile to avoid that my super-powers corrupt me and turn me to the side of the devils.

Also, the night truly belongs to the law-abiding citizens of my beautiful hometown, which I’ve made a sacred, double secret pinky swear to protect.

So, once again for the cheap seats: EVIL BEWARE! Because there’s a new cat in town and not only is he hip to your tricks, but he’s also not had his claws clipped in a very, very long time. Kitty can scratch, baby.

Meowch!

And using said claws, plus my other awesome powers, my super scary Charles Bronson from “Death Wish” impersonation, a belt full of pouches, which are then filled with tiny, itsy-bitsy crime-fighting gadgets and my own fearless protégé, the valiant Mouse, I will bring an end to all sorts of crime and villainy.

I will punish the wicked, right wrongs, save damsels in distress, help old ladies cross the street, shake hands, kiss babies and all other duties that this life of super heroism and self sacrifice I’ve pledged myself to demand.

And, in conclusion my superstitious and cowardly lot, you should very much fear me the next time you see me.

FOR I AM THE CAT!!! AND I BORROW THE NIGHT!!