Author Archive: Jess Kirby
Day 28: Lisa Laserfield
Her name is Lisa and she tip toes through the laser fields. She’s also a tramp, but that’s got nothing to do with this.
Day 25: Fortune Cookie
Fortunately for you guys I don’t have any spare time to muck these last few characters up with colour.
Day 24: Hepatitis Hal
Oh no! It’s Hepatitis Hal! Oh not to worry, he’s just the Hepatitis D variety of the viral villains. Oh, but wait he’s brought along his filamentous friend of the Hepatitis B variety. Well, now that you all have met you may as well get drunk because your liver won’t last much longer anyways!
Day 23: Andy the Adenovirus
This faceless little guy may look harmless and you may be able to fight off his affects with some Nyquil, but lookout, he’s decided to use a prion as his weapon! If you don’t know what kind of damage a prion can do just think, mad cow disease! ewww!
Day 22: The Drain
Not only is he disgusting, he comes along with several outdated/rehashed catch phrases. He will slap you with a fish and hit you with a wet noodle. When you detect a horrible stench, you can almost be sure it’s The Drain!
Day 21: Franchesca Swatterman
This is Franchesca Swatterman. I made her to be the nemesis to Bobby Timony’s “Skeeter”. http://www.30characters.com/2010/11/08/7-skeeter/  I had told him that I was going to make some odor offensive villains and he was going to make characters to combat that, but I haven’t done so YET! I decided I’d take on one of his characters first. Now for 9 days of disgustingness from me to end the challenge!
Day 20: Bullet Hole Beverly
So I got sucked into watching this horrible show about housewives in Beverly Hills and sadly it inspired me. This is what came from that show, Bullet Hole Beverly. The women on that show all have amazing duck lips, foreheads that don’t move and crazy eyebrows. So it got me thinking, what would the superheroes of the future really be like? Well, if we base them on real life people who are on reality TV shows, they will be horrifying.
Day 19: Carrie Candyman the Cheerleader
Carrie Candyman is a cheerleader, she is a leader of cheers.
Day 18: Professor Pickle
Professor Pickle can be described by words that start with the letter P; precise, persistent, prevalent, penchant and party pooper.
Day 17: Beau Tieman
Beau Tieman is seen here giving the thumbs up. He’s proof that you should really question those who wear bow ties and always give a thumbs up!
Day 14: Hank E. Boogerman
Teds cousin Hank. He’s fat and works at a bank. He’s a bad tipper and he parks in handicapped parking spots, even though he’s not handicapped.
Day 12: Ted Boogerman
I’ll be the first to admit that I can’t come up with any good, serious characters on my own, so I’m going back to what I know. Which is immature, made up crap. This is Ted Boogerman, make sure you pronounce his name right, it’s one word Boogerman, not booger man! He gets pissed when you mispronounce his name. He went on a date with a girl once who mispronounced his name. He poked her eyes out and replaced them with grapes. The really dark purple kind that has a thick skin and seeds.
Ted is seen here working on his abs. Doing some of those upside down situps. He’s all about being buff and looking good for the ladies. The ones who don’t mispronounce his name anyways.
Day 11: Gym Nasty
Another juvenile delinquent with the unique talent of being extra flexible. She’s Gym Nasty! She can bounce off walls and fit in the smallest of places.Â
Funny, she seems to have lost her ears somewhere.
Day 10: Sam Sword
He’s Sam Sword, yet another of the famous juvenile delinquents. Not only does he kick ass with his swords, he doubles as a disco ball effect at parties! He’s so shiny, that he blinds you first, then goes in for the kill. Sam is so silly and shiny with his swords!
Day 9: Ruby Con
Hallelujah, praise the lord, I finally got my scanner to work! Too bad I didn’t have much time to work on anything today! Either way I’m just glad the rest of my characters won’t look so sucky anymore.
This is Miss Ruby Con. She is part of the juvenile delinquent program that claimed Chicky Boom & several more characters, who you will soon meet. Miss Ruby is one heck of a con artist and the government put her skills to work and they feel she’s the most gifted of all. After all, takes one sneaky bastard to know one!
Day 8: Gary the Garlic Breathing Dragon
Gary is one of the most lethal dragons in all the lands. He has the horrific power to breath his garlic breath, which stops people in their tracks. The only thing that can defeat him is mouthwash, but how do you get close enough to even try to give him a shot?
I’ve had no amount of luck uploading my stuff, so I sort of gave up and just got out the crayons. I think the rest of the characters are going to be done the same way, crayons and my camera. So, sorry for the cruddy pics, but nothing’s working for me.
Day 7: Chicky Boom
Chicky was never good at anything except causing a scene. Always getting in trouble and causing problems. She was sent to juvenile detention as a teen & that’s where her talents were discovered. A “recruit” came through the detention centre one day to find qualified teens to participate in a new government program. It was a program where the delinquents would be rehabilitated and basically brainwashed into becoming lethal, human weapons for the government. Chicky was found to be a bomb expert. She gets dolled up as a distraction and she always gets her job done.
Day 6: Angel Dust
Angel Dust blows her psychotropic drugs in your face. She’s often invited to Raves, but she’s susceptible to a double fine if she’s on school grounds.
I came up with the idea for Angel Dust after talking about old WWF with some friends. I always thought it looked so cool when Mr. Fuji blew salt in peoples faces. Also, I remembered this girl my cousin “dated” and she claimed she was a witch. She would do the weirdest things, like put her hands up to her face and pretend like she was blowing stuff at you. Then of course angel dust played it’s roll. When I was a kid, angel dust was the worst drug you could possibly do. We would hang out in the park and talk about all of the stories we heard about what people did while they were on angel dust. Angel Dust is PCP, which isn’t a psychotropic drug, but she’s make believe, so I don’t think it’s imperative that she actually blows PCP in your face. It’s more fun if she blows drugs in your face that make you crazy to the point where you think you can fly!
Day 5: The Toy Maker’s Treasure
The toy maker is always so busy making toys for everyone else, today he took a break and made one for himself. A trixie little toy with a cute little gun that’s only just for fun. But what’s in the other hand is something you may not understand. She can knock you down and beat you while you’re on the ground. She’s the toy maker’s treasure.
Day 4: Frostbite
I realise the name Frost Bite has been used, several times, but I couldn’t think of anything better to call my ice vampire.  She’s ugly and cold. She doesn’t suck your blood, but when she bites you, she freezes it. Here she is preparing for take off. She has to take a running start and jump. What’s that you ask, why doesn’t she just fly? Because she’s a moron, that’s why. She’s was given blue skin and fangs, but she’s got peanut butter for brains.
Day 3: Turkey Leg Ted
Turkey Leg Ted is to renaissance fairs as zombies are to the apocalypse. If you see him coming at you with a piece of meat that’s still attached to the bone, just run. Don’t point and laugh, or try to take a photo, just kick dirt and haul ass!
I fixed this chap with coloured pencils, which I found today that my scanner doesn’t appreciate any kind of pencil work. If the pencil lines are too distracting, just squint your eyes, or shut them completely. Your call.
(he’s such a bold fellow, I can’t stop squinting at him!)
Day 2: Carl The Clamorous Politician
I thought Carl was appropriate for day 2, since it is U.S. Midterm Election Day! Carl is an ambiguous politician, meaning he represents the worst of all parties. He’s the ugly face of American politics.
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