Author Archive: ManVsArt
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30 Characters 2011 Raul Aguirre Jr.
Below is a gallery containing all 30 of my  creations for the 30 Character Challenge.
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
#27 Jetpack Jack
Jetpack Jack is a high flying costumed adventurer who as his name implies gets around with a cool ass jetpack! That’s right! A jetpack! He built the jetpack to win a bar bet and since then he dispenses juicy jetpack justice to evildoers as Jetpack Jack!
#26 The Young Republican
The Young Republican has never had a job. His parents bought him a BMW when he was 16. After High School he went straight to college where he joined his father and older brother’s fraternity. He spent all of his time partying and cheated his way through classes. He then graduated with two degrees, one in political science the other in business. Daddy pulled a few strings and got The Young Republican a job as a Congressional Aide. He now makes six figures and has no patience for those that expect a free ride in life and are not Protestant.
The future of the GOP, Mr. Young Republican is sick and tired of footing the bill for society â€I’m not going to pay for you, I’m not going to carry everyone else on my back any more! Get get a job! Or better yet, get rich parents, like me!”
#25 Spike
Spike is a crazy biker who does whatever he wants, whenever he wants. His super strength comes from massive doses of bourbon and PCP.
#24 Dreadbot
Dreadbot is murder machine from the year 3050 who has traveled back in time for the sole purpose of killing you! BOO!
#23 Zarna
Zarna is a Warrior Queen from the realm of Hy-Brasil. She has magical powers as well as super strength. You don’t mess with Zarna period.
#22 Bodger Quickfoot
Bodger Quickfoot is a Halfling Thief. One of the best. Watch your valuables and most especially watch your back. He gets double damage on his back stab move!
#21 Ed The Third World Smokin’ Baby
The video of little Ed smoking cigarettes went viral before Ed could light up another Camel. Unbelievably this two year old smoked 2 packs a day.
When asked why he smoked Ed had this to say. “It takes the edge off of my otherwise stress filled toddler day man. Oh yeah and my parents are douche nozzles.”
He says he’s going to take “baby steps” and quit tobacco in stages in what he calls “the three year plan.” As of last week Ed has quit smoking cigarettes cold turkey. He’s switched to Cigars, which he will stick to for a year and from there he’ll go to chewing tobacco for another year and then nicotine gum for the final year. He is confident that within 3 years he will be tobacco free.
When asked about the hard booze, pills, gambling, and hookers he replied ” Go F@CK yourself!”
Good for him!
#20 Diabla
By studying magic since childhood Diabla has managed to acquire the power to cast flashy destructive spells, mind control, and pretty much bend the whole of reality to her will.
One of the most dangerous beings in the astral plane, she is to be avoided at all costs. Especially when she is cranky!
#19 Chubby Ninja
Watch your back and watch your snacks! Chubby Ninja will wheeze his way into taking you and your Doritos out!
#15 Joe The Barbarian
Joe The Barbarian comes from the frozen northern wastelands of Taskala. He was born with eye of the tiger on the field of battle and is the proud son of the village chief-tan. Growing up in such a harsh and violent environment forced Joe to mature quickly.
By the age twelve he had already killed over a dozen men earning him the honor and the respect of his people who named him their greatest warrior. Joe led the raids that destroyed the dreaded southern cannibal hordes of Baboso. Soon after, he was overcome with the strong desire to travel. He roamed throughout the vast wastelands as a bandit, highwayman, mercenary, and pirate where he constantly encounters horrifying monsters, evil sorcerers, skanky wenches, and hot princesses. The heroic feats Joe performs throughout his epic adventures are motivated by survival and personal gain, and sometimes the chicks.
#14 Shortstradamus The Small Medium at Large!
Shortstradamus is a midget psychic who just escaped from prison where he was serving 8 years for using his powers to defraud gullible idiots.
Police have issued the warning… SMALL MEDIUM AT LARGE!
#13 Sin Pueblo Narco Hunter
The pinche night’s as hot as hell. It’s a crappy room in a crappy part of a crappy pueblo -My name is Mario. I used to be a law man. Not much use for guys like me in Mexico these days. Not since the cartels took over.
I’m looking at a rose. She says she wants me. I’m not wasting one more second wondering how I got so lucky. She smells like flowers ought to smell, the perfect woman… the Rose. Rosita. She says her name is Rosita.
So, you were scared, weren’t you Rosita? Somebody wanted to kill you and you knew it. Well, I’m gonna find that hijo de puta Narco that killed you, and I’m gonna put that fool down…hard. I love Narcos. No matter what you do to them, you don’t feel bad.
This is an eye for an eye. It’s time I solved the Narco Cartel problem, with extreme prejudice. I have no choice. My hand has been dealt. And I’m ready for war.
Walk down the right back alley in Sin Pueblo, and you can find anything.
#12 Absynthia
Absynthia Corpulenta is a 17 year old Senior at Laguna Hills High School in Orange County CA. She is the only child of Dr. Dan Corpulenta a successful orthopedic surgeon and Susan Corpulenta an equally successful Divorce Attorney. They live in a huge mansion in Laguna Hills where Absynthia has always gotten the best of everything in life. Her parents love and respect her dearly and are totally accepting of Absynthia’s Goth lifestyle.
There has never been even a single shred of dysfunction in her life! The fact that she has nothing to be sad about really makes Absynthia sad. So in the last year she has taken up eating.
A lot!
She eats because she’s sad and she’s sad because she eats.
Perfect!
#9 Coffee Boy Scott
Scott Schroeder is a 19 year old student at Coolidge Community College where he is studying Marine Biology. His passion is SCUBA diving and dreams of opening his very own Dive Shop in his hometown of Las Vegas Nevada someday.
He works part-time as a coffee boy at the local Starbucks where he has become known as “Coffee Boy, The Bravest Man in the World.”
Why?
Because he has the steely nerve to charge four bucks for a cup of coffee and still gesture towards a tip jar.
Bravest man in the world indeed.
#8 Kargoth The Unrelenting
As far as Orcs go, Kargoth the Unrelenting would be considered the Alpha Orc. What he lacks in brains he more than makes up for with brute strength and ferocity. Hand to hand combat with Kargoth is pretty much a suicide mission. Magic Missile attacks only make him angry. So unless you have 18/00 strength and at least a +3 sword DO NOT tangle with this dude. Listen, and understand! This Orc is somehwere in that dungeon. It can’t be bargained with. It can’t be reasoned with. It doesn’t feel pity, or remorse, or fear. And it absolutely will not stop, ever, until you are dead.
Kargoth also loves puppies, show tunes, and long walks on the beach.
His turn offs are rude people and high level magic users.
#7 Hemply Shroom
Hemply Shroom is left of liberal. He has a penchant for tie-dyes, crystals, veganism, free love, pot, shrooms, and LSD. His oneness with nature and anything that is ‘all-natural’ borders on psycho. Hemply loves flora and fauna so much that he wishes that humans would be wiped out once and for all so they’d stop killing all the plants and animals. He’s so extreme that he believes tree hugging is mere foreplay, getting to first base if you will . If Hemply had it his way he’d be rounding third and sliding into home plate head first, if you know what I mean.
Besides dry humping trees, Hemply’s favorite thing to do is to constantly push his extremist vegan views on others. His second favorite thing to do is organize drum circles. His third favorite thing to do is play his guitar. Which he does very badly.
His aversion to both soap and shoes has earned him the title “Dirtiest Hippie of the Year” for the last six years running.
Hemply’s father a Colonel in the U.S. Army, considers his son to be “The biggest disappointment in my life.”
#6 Dr. Muahahahaha
Dr. Hiram Muahahahaha is a mad scientist. One of the maddest as a matter of fact. He is somewhat scatterbrained, his practices are questionable, and he frequently works for the bad guys, building semi-ridiculous super weapons.
What made him go mad you may ask? The systematic release of the Star Wars Prequels during Grad School made Hiram lose his mind completely. In 1999 Hiram was one of the many fanboys drooling over the upcoming release of the Star Wars Prequels beginning with the Phantom Menace written and directed by George Lucas. The utter disgust and complete disappointment totally devastated the young Hiram spiraling him into 1/3 complete madness. He continued his studies albeit somewhat jaded and twisted. Then in 2002 with the release of the disappointing Attack of the Clones Hiram again was utterly devastated and sent careening into 2/3 complete madness. Finally with the release of The Revenge of the Sith in 2005 the sheer devastation of how horrible the films were, finally destroyed Hiram’s mind sending him into total madness.
He may be mad, but Hiram does throw great parties!
#4 Aunt Teak
Aunt Teak has sure gotten old. She’s had 2 By-pass surgeries, a hip replacement, and two new
knees. She’s fought both arthritis, and diabetes. She’s half blind, can’t hear
anything quieter than a jet engine, takes 40 different medications that make
her dizzy, winded, and subject to blackouts. She has dementia,
poor circulation, and can hardly feel her hands and feet anymore. She can’t remember if
she’s 85 or 92 and all her friends are dead…….But thank God, she still has her driver’s license!
Aunt Teak is so old, she remembers when rainbows were black and white.
She’s so old, she sat next to Jesus in school.
She’s so old, the candles cost more than her birthday cake.
The nice thing about being senile is she can hide her own Easter eggs.
She is alive, but only in the sense that she can’t be legally buried
#3 Lady Frida
During a summer internship at Mexico City’s Palacio De Bellas Artes Museum, American art student Paloma Flores discovered a Pre Columbian Mayan jade necklace in the basement archives. It was so pretty she just had to try it on. When she did POOF! She became Lady Frida the super powered crime fighter and international adventurer.
The magical necklace gives Lady Frida super strength, speed, endurance, and the ability to fly, and fire energy blasts from her fingertips.
Most importantly it makes her look fabulous.
#2 Cousin Julio
A few miles East of East L.A. in the city of La Puente there’s this guy I have to tell you about named Julio Cesar Tapado. At least that’s what his expired driver’s license says. But no one ever calls him that. For you see this Tapado, is known to all as Cousin Julio. Everyone calls him that. Even people who aren’t related to him. That’s just one of the many things about Cousin Julio that make absolutely no sense.
They say ignorance is bliss. That makes Cousin Julio the happiest guy in the world. He once asked me what the little creatures in the movie Gremlins were called. If he were any more stupid, he would have to be watered twice a week.
You see at first glance you would figure he’s a lazy dumb ass slacker. You would be right. He spends his days drinking beer, smoking weed, playing video games, and Photoshopping fake celebrity nudes and posting them online.
His greatest skill is being able to roll a joint while driving. His proudest achievement in life was his televised high speed chase and take down.
It’s on YouTube. Check it out. Julio got skills
Cousin Julio’s lifelong dream is to someday do bong rips with his idols Cheech and Chong.
#1 Gorillanaut
Gorillanaut Champion of the Cosmos!
This is the story of the first Gorilla launched into outer space in the American space program.
He was born on June 17th, 1956 in Uganda’s Bwindi Impenetrable National Park. He was captured by animal trappers and sent to a sideshow in Coney Island New York. Three years later he was purchased by the United States Air Force and brought to the  Holloman Air Force Base Aeronautical Research Facility or H.A.F.B.A.R.F in Alamogordo, New Mexico.
Researchers started with a group of 29 chimps and 1 Gorilla as primate flight candidates at H.A.F.B.A.R.F After a series of intensive tests the gorilla beat out the chimps and began training for his space mission.
Beginning in July 1959, the three-year-old Gorilla was trained at H.A.F.B.A.R.F to do timed tasks in response to electric lights. In his pre-flight training, Gorillanaut was taught to push a button within two seconds of seeing a flashing red light; failure to do so would result in punishment in the form of a mild electric shock to his testicles. A correct response earned him a chocolate covered frozen banana from a hi-tech dispenser.
On January 31, 1961, Gorillanaut secured a position in Project Mercury Mission X-2 and was launched from Cape Canaveral, Florida on a flight beyond the Van Ellen Belt to test radiation levels. The capsule was bombarded with massive doses of gamma rays and suffered a partial loss of the life support system and a fried communication panel during the flight. Luckily Gorillanaut’s space suit prevented him from suffering any harm.
The gamma rays broke the banana dispenser causing the entire stock of now gamma radiated frozen bananas to fall out. Sadly, Gorillanaut was so busy gobbling up six cases of bananas that he didn’t notice the flashing red light and missed his cue to push the control button. The space capsule bounced off the Earth’s atmosphere upon attempting re-entry and was hurled off into space.
Gorillanaut passed out after gorging himself with bananas. The damaged life support system put him into a state of suspended animation and for the next 50 years he drifted through deep space until his capsule finally orbited back to Earth in 2011 and crashed into the Kardashian’s house killing everyone inside.
As a result of eating gamma radiated frozen bananas Gorillanaut woke up with super intelligence and the ability to speak. He was hailed a hero and has since returned to adventuring in space as….
Gorillanaut Champion of the Cosmos!
#30Characters Chatter…