Archive for November 12th, 2011
#12-Canadian Bacon,Porcine Protector of the North
Whenever there is trouble in the provinces Canadians know who to call. No, not those guys whose books keep getting canceled. They call for Canadian Bacon, Canada’s greatest hero. He will always swoop in and save the day whenever he’s needed. As long as they have Canadian Bacon, Canadians know they have nothing to fear!
#12 Cife
Who said time and dimension space travelers are always goofy guys with a childlike innocence?
Meet Cife. Five foot five. Probably one of the most powerful beings in the universe, with the ability to travel any place, any time in the universe. He has seen the birth of the universe, and he knows how it ends. He prefers staying in the middle of all that. He’s been accused of being many things, including the devil, God, an angel, a savior, a demon, but he’s just Cife.
No one knows why he decided to stick to the 21st century. He knows something is about to go down, but his memories have been foggy to say the least. Strange events that he can’t control tend to be around when he does, so maybe it’s all his fault.
But he’s prepared for a fight. He may be tiny, but he’s tough. And he has friends, especially that angelic hipster brother of his Rael, who was, more or less, chosen to kill him.
Cife wouldn’t have it any other way.
Cife: (C) and TM Jeff Harris dba Studio Lightcount..
#12 Geoffrey, the Man Sized Cricket Thing
Geoffrey the man sized cricket thing.
He enjoys long walks, socialising, footie and a pint down at the pub with the lads.
The love life of a man sized cricket thing is not one to envy, and he has resorted to reading the personal ads to find those who wouldn’t mind sharing their bed with the cold exoskeleon of a stupidly big insect.
#12 – Jack Dempsey – Actor, Martial Actor
Jack Dempsey was the last of the great actors of 2026. His dashing smile and trademark Kung-Fu made him the action hero other actors wanted to be for more than a decade. His star as an action hero finally lost its luster in the last series of movies he made, Planet Raiders III: The Unforsaken. The movie, while grossing well, barely covered the production costs, and the injuries incurred by Jack’s drinking problem caused his agent and the company Screen Brothers to finally drop his contact.
“We love you, Jack, but we’re gonna have to let you go. There is a new wind blowing and it’s AI-CGI,” his agent Florence Butterman told him over the vidcam. He was sitting in his Malibu home drinking his morning Mai Tai and nursing yesterday’s hangover.
“You are not serious. That stuff they do with computers and factors?” Demsey had a bit of a slur going already. Florence just grimaced and tried to ignore it. “Damn fake actors…”
“They are not fake actors. They are based on real people who used to be actors. Many of the screen tests have been quite favorable and several hundred movies were released straight to the ‘Net from Nollywood and Ballywood. If we want to keep up we have to do our part to stay with the times. Those Nigerians are eating our lunch in southern Africa and they have already expanded into the South American markets. I’m sorry, Jack, the margins are just too tight nowadays for living actors.” Florence looked down at her watch.
“What, you got someplace to be? You too busy for the man who made you rich? Everything you have in that house, I bought you, Florence. How can you be thinking about turning your back on me? What about helping me out? Can you farm me out to one of your friends over at Light Industrial Films? I heard through the ‘vine they are still planning on making movies with real actors.” Jack downed the rest of his drink and nodded to his butler to bring him another one. The butler winced and then moved on reluctantly to bring another. There was, however, no reason to rush.
“Look, Jack, I am not blowing you off. I will be putting in a word for you, but I would not get my hopes up with Light Industrial Films. They are still going to be making movies with actors, but they are going to be working in the mountains of Tibet, telling the stories of the remaining survivors of the Great Purge of Tibet in 2016. That’s going to be done on location with local actors. I might be able to get you a role on the Chinese side as a consultant or as a white who worked as a servant to the Chinese.”
“A slave? That is the best hope you can give me? A slave in a Chinese melodrama? You got to be kidding me. You know what, Florence? I don’t want your goddamn pity. I don’t need you. I’m Jack fucking Dempsey, the best thing to happen to Hollywood since Clint Eastwood. I’ll be all right.” Jack stood up and pointed at the monitor. “When I make my comeback, you remember it was me who told you it would happen.”
Having stood up too quickly after having twelve Mai Tais before breakfast, Jack Dempsey fell to the floor unconscious. Florence Butterman shook her head, watched the butler throw back the Mai Tai and signed off. She did not think about Jack Dempsey again until the Academy Awards mentioned his name seven years later.
“And the nominations for Best Actor in a Science Fiction Film are: Kren Davis in Sundiver’s Six, Kazuo Koke in Inner Space, and Jack Dempsey in Planet Raiders: Neutron Star. No, no, folks, I’m just kidding. You know scifi hasn’t paid an actor in years. The award will go to the company that has created the most awesome representation of these amazing actors in their AI-CGI movies created completely on computer. I mean, can anyone remember the last time anyone saw that drunken bum, Jack Dempsey?”
The theater explodes in laughter, that long mean laughter when you are talking about someone behind his back. The laughter that comes from an uncomfortable position that you know you might find yourself in, akin to being in the bathroom without toilet paper. The doors fly open from the side of the stage and Jack Dempsey staggers onto the stage. A security guard with a swollen eye tries to stop him and is returned back stage with a sound kick.
“How’s that?” was picked up from the mikes all over the stage. “Real enough for you? You might want to put some ice on that. So how is everybody? Go on, open that envelope. No, let me.” Jack snatches the envelope from the comedian who stands shocked and quiet on the stage.
“The Award for Best Actor in a Science Fiction Film goes to… Factor Jack Dempsey. Factor Jack Dempsey can’t be here to get his award, cause he was made on a damn computer, so Jack Dempsey is going to take that award for him.” The young woman who carried out the statuette hands it to Jack and scurries off the stage.
The director continues to move the cameras around and film everything as if this was expected. “Since I am here to take my award from my factor, yes, FAKE ACTOR, I think I should say a few words. All you people sitting out there laughing at me, thinking you are better than me won’t have to worry about this because you can really act. You can kiss my ass.” A collective gasp sweeps the room.
Jack reaches into his jacket and pulls out a flask, takes a hit and continues. “Once upon a time, I was just like you, thought I was something, on the top of my game and nothing could ever touch me. I had a great time, spent my money, partied all day and all night. I made twenty movies in my career and most sucked. I know that, now. I watched them when I was living in the streets, sitting outside of Electronic Huts playing my movies while I panhandled.”
Jack looks down and pauses for a second. “I realized I got paid because it was what people wanted to see, not because I was any good. I got ahead of myself and didn’t pay attention when I needed to. I did not see the world changing around me. I signed contracts without reading them. And all of you did too. Because if you hadn’t, you would not be sitting here today.”
Three security guards came to the edge of the stage and hesitantly began to make their approach. None of them were in a hurry to tackle Jack Dempsey because while he may have been an actor, he did his own martial arts movies, and those were not stunts. Many a stunt double went to the hospital, and the tabloids loved talking about it. He waved at them and made the sign for two minutes, and they retreated to the edge of the stage.
“I just wanted to say to Florence Butterman, I am sorry I didn’t listen to you when you told me to read everything. You told me that the industry would take advantage of my stupidity. You see, I don’t have anyone to blame about Factor Jack Dempsey. In my contracts, I made it possible for him to exist. In my contracts, I signed away my likeness to be used in any kind of AI-CGI based movie for the next twenty years. And they do not have to pay me anything because I did not read the contract well enough.” His voice was bitter and sharp.
“But the best part is that I had time on my hands and more than a few favors. I know that almost none of you read your contracts, either. So when you lose your mind, or piss someone off, or when they get tired of you getting old or weak or crotchety, they will replace you with a factor, too. So, you guys enjoy your awards. One day there won’t be anyone in the theater to accept one, unless they can teach a computer to walk, too. Y’all have a good night. Come on, boys, I haven’t got all night.”
It took twenty security guards before Jack Dempsey was dragged off stage. The Academy Awards had never had higher numbers.
And the Award Goes To… © Thaddeus Howze 2011. All Rights Reserved
This story appears in Hayward’s Reach, an anthology of short stories, published in November 2011.
Don “The Dragon” Wilson was not an inspiration for this story directly. I had written the story before I discovered his history and it seemed to be a perfect match for my story. He has a great history as an actor and fighter but most people can’t remember a single movie he appears in, even though those movies themselves are famous.
12 – George Washington – Onion Knight
One thing that always bugs me about history is the way people talk about it as immuteable. With one tiny change in a person’s life, the whole of history could be altered, but people always talk about historical figures as though the things that happened to them were Destiny with a capital D. George Washington is a great example of this. His father died when he was 11 years old, and he inherited his father’s property. If the elder Washington had lived even one or two years longer, little George would have been sent back to England for education. Imagine how different history would have unfolded with a George Washington who was fully loyal to the English crown — heck, imagine what history would’ve been like if George had been raised by his father rather than his uncle.
Similarly, the Onion Knight is all about potential. Sometimes called a Squire or Freelancer, the Onion Knight is usually the first class you receive, and as such, it’s usually pretty crappy. However, if you put a lot of effort into it, the Onion Knight can eventually come out as one of the most powerful classes in the game. So if we’re being totally honest, everybody starts out as a Lv. 1 Onion Knight, able to use only the most basic of equips. It’s with a lot of effort, experience, and luck that we become useful. ^^b
#12-Doctor Pirate
When physics researcher Walter McGovern ignored protocol, legality and common sense in his pursuit of travel to alternate dimensions, the scientific community was shocked. When the inevitable explosion took his left hand, his right eye and most of his sanity they were unsurprised. But when his obsession with naval history and Disney theme park rides drove him completely into the loving arms of mad science, they learned to fear the Swashbuckling Supervillain…Doctor Pirate!
Aided with cobbled together superscience, the Doctor raids, pillages and keel-hauls all who stand in the way of his conquest. He is a known affiliate of the evil conglomerate known as the Horrible Hexaverate, but not even they can control-or even trust-the cutthroat Pirate.
#12- The King of Carrot Flowers
From Neutral Milk Hotel’s song of the same title:
When you were young
You were the king of carrot flowers
And how you built a tower tumbling through the trees
In holy rattlesnakes that fell all around your feet
And your mom would stick a fork right into daddy’s shoulder
And dad would throw the garbage all across the floor
As we would lay and learn what each other’s bodies were for
And this is the room
One afternoon I knew I could love you
And from above you how I sank into your soul
Into that secret place where no one dares to go
And your mom would drink until she was no longer speaking
And dad would dream of all the different ways to die
Each one a little more than he could dare to try
12 – Mister Mystero
Galloping through space and time, it’s the chronic, cosmic adventurer, the amazing Mister Mystero!
#12 Deputy Bat-girl
Deputy Batgirl
Outlaws in the badlands of the wild west whisper of a blood-drinking cave beast that creeps in the night and abducts the unwary. The truth is this bat is no blood-drinker, (that would be her South American cousin), but she does hunt the night, leaping down in the dark upon any unlucky varmint who dares ignore the laws of the west.
#12 – Myth
Character 12, Myth. Now this is a complete redesign from the very earliest sketches of Myth, done by Drew Johnson. The original design was a little more operatic and a touch cheesecakey – something I’m not that into.
Drew took the idea of the combined mythologies and ran with it, designing someone who looks like a Norse goddess raised by Greek gods before being banished to Earth!
#12 Yadin Orlos lor-Tyrn
Priest-magician. Teacher. Unwitting harbinger of change.
Image from Hollywood Today
#12 January Spyros
January is the current keeper of the Zodiac Keys. She usually keeps them on a key ring belted at her waist. The Keys were passed down to her when her brother died but unfortunately they missed one and when Thanatos claimed January’s brother the Pisces’s key went with him. Thanatos is now in control of the most powerful of the zodiac wolves, who is also the alpha of the zodiac wolves. January searches for her lost brother to retrieve Pisces’s key before Thanatos can use him.
No. 12- Drea
Name: Drea
Age: 100 years old (in dragon years)
Ethnicity: Dragon turned human?
Occupation: Guard Dragon, Bodyguard, Adventurer, Mercenary
Short Background:
Drea started out life as a dragon. She lived with her dragon family, played dragon games, and laughed the dragon’s laugh (if there is such a thing).
Then her entire clan was butchered and she was the only one who managed to escape. As luck would have it, her path led her to the castle of a powerful sorceress who offered her protection and a place to stay. The catch was that Drea had to be a guard against anyone who came to take the sorceress’ secrets. For a time, things worked out and Drea was the perfect guard. It also helped to add to the sorceress’ reputation. So much so that many kings and lords saw it as a wise move to align themselves with the sorceress. Many came as suitors, hoping that by winning her heart, they would also gain access to her power.
And there was where the trouble began.
Drea was too good of a body guard and ended up devouring many a suitor. It got to the point where the sorceress had to decide what to do. However, she didn’t want to kill Drea and decided to turn her into a human instead. No longer thirsty for blood, but still incredibly strong, Drea became the sorceress’ personal bodyguard. It was thought that the problems would end there.
They didn’t.
As a human, Drea went from being a danger to the suitors to a distraction. Suddenly, the men were coming to woo her instead of the sorceress. Jealous, the sorceress tried to turn her back. Drea escaped.
Now, she is traveling the world among people that used to fear her. She decided that the best way to see more of the world was to fall in with a band of mercenaries. And that’s what she did.
Design:
She looks like an average girl. She isn’t doesn’t really look that different from everyone else with the exception of the blue hair (but no one really questions it). The only giveaway is a trail of scales going down her back, though a person would have to get really close to see them (and that is not happening).
She is a mercenary so she dresses like a mercenary. No dresses or fancy clothing. Just practical “soldier of fortune” wear. Boots, pants, tight shirts, and headbands. Lots of headbands.
#12 The Dragonautte
She could relate to the creatures like no other, and she was physically suited for adventure.
The Dragonautte © and TM Mike Dubisch
Visit http://WWW.MikeDubisch.COM
Facebook.com/MikeDubischArt
# 12 – The Bulben
The Bulben is Malk’s brother. He is capable of emitting blinding light and searing heat. The Bulben is also capable of processing electronic forms of communication.
<Creator comments: Yes, the Bulben is a giant light bulb, while his brother is an eggplant. Let’s just say that Bulben experienced a very serious accident in his laboratory one day.>
[In 1974, at the age of 12, I drew a series of “comic books” detailing the adventures of Merrill, a 15-year-old human boy, in the Other Land, an invisible dimension which co-exists with our own. The characters I am submitting throughout the 30 Days are the inhabitants of the Other Land.]
#12 – Oscar Lembrick
Oscar Lembrick has one great passion in life: to blow stuff up. He learned it when he was a kid, finding and making explosives as best he could, and then going on to study chemistry, physics and engineering. There was nothing that he loved more than seeing things explode, until the day he destroyed the Crow’s Nest – a local biker bar that had terrorized his town for years. A few well-placed pipe bombs made sure that no one from that wretched hive of scum and villainy would ever trouble his town again.
Of course, once you’ve blown up one bunch of scumbags, it’s only natural to want to blow up more. He soon became known as the go-to guy if you wanted someone dead whose death would probably leave the world a better place. He took out neo-nazis and terrorist cells, corrupt politicians and mafia families. After years of this, he took his well-earned money and tried to retire.
But now he’s back for one last job. If he succeeds, his name will go down in infamy. And he’s just fine with that.
Read his story here, The Good Guy Bomber.
#12 – Spaceboy Ed
… First Canadian on Mars!
This one goes out to my friend Eric, the original Spaceboy Ed!
#12 – Bubba
Bubba is an ally, a trickster/fool. A member of the “Good Ole’ Boys” network, he is often used as a foil by them. But his heart is pure. Likes to play jokes, but nothing serious or threatening.
Terrible Harry
- Have you heard?
Terrible Harry came into town along with the other Traveling Graces. He has a difficult time behaving as the more gentle society did, and he likes it that way.
“Have you heard? The bird bird bird, the bird is the word!”
He likes to run around wildly, and freak out on people went they least expected it. Everybody likes Harry, and everyone is terrified. He’ll terrify you with his excited dancing and premonitions…
“A tic tic tic tic tic tic tic BOOM dynamite!”
#11 The Man Tamer
Killed during a hate crime, his soul is trapped in the whip that was used to strangle him.
And boy has he had time to practice using it, himself.
#10 Motley the Barista
Sees ghosts.
Not sassy ghosts, he’s the only sassy spirit in the coffee shop.
Just y’know. Ghosts. Coffee pot ghosts. Toaster ghosts. That one lady that was burned to death in the laundromat next door.
#30Characters Chatter…