#4: David

KENNETH:  What is there to tell you?  He’s tall, he’s almost completely clueless, he doesn’t have a care in the world, and he’s one of the nicest guys you’ll ever meet.

KENNETH:  And that there is the problem.

PSYCHIATRIST:  Problem?

KENNETH:  Yeah, his fatal flaw.  He’s too damn nice, which makes it easier for people to take advantage of him.  Too easy, if I’m honest about it. 

PSYCHIATRIST:  Really?

KENNETH:  Oh, yeah; he’s too gullible for his own good.  He thinks I don’t notice when he starts a tab for some of the old folks that come in here, and then covers the tab out of his own pocket.  But I do.

PSYCHIATRIST:  Interesting.  Can you give me another example?

KENNETH:  How many are you looking for?  Because I’ve got a shedload of stories like that.  Like teh other night, for instance; this woman shows up and–

KENNETH:  Hang on, here he comes.  Gonna have to stow that one away for another time.

DAVID:  Hello, chaps! 

KENNETH:  Davey-boy!  How are you doing?

DAVID:  Brilliant!  First I went ’round to the shops and–

KENNETH:  David–

DAVID:  –and they didn’t have it in plaid, so I asked–

KENNETH:  –David–

DAVID:  –and can you believe it that they had the nerve to tell me that–

KENNETH:  DAVID!

DAVID:  Yeah, Kenny?

KENNETH:  Focus, buddy.

DAVID:  Oh – okay.

KENNETH:  Davey, I’d like you to meet Dr.  Mattersby.  He’d like to speak with you for a little bit.

DAVEY:  Oh, hi!

KENNETH:  Well, I’m going back behind the bar.  Call me if you need anything.

DAVEY:  Bye, Kenny!

DAVEY:  …

DAVEY:  Is he gone?

PSYCHIATRIST:  He’s back behind the bar, if that’s what you mean.

DAVID;  Brilliant!

DAVID:  See he thinks that I’m not all there.

PSYCHIATRIST:  You don’t say.

DAVID:  Well, between you and me, that’s all a bit of a lark on him.

PSYCHIATRIST:  Is it?

DAVID:  Course it is!

DAVID:  I mean, I’m nice and all, no hiding that, but I’m not a daft as he thinks I am.

DAVID:  After all, look around.

DAVID:  Go on – look!

PSYCHIATRIST:  What am I supposed to be looking at?  Besides the crowd at the bar.

DAVID:  You, me – sitting here, enjoying pints.  While he’s over there, working like a dog.

PSYCHIATRIST:  So?

DAVID:  So?  So, he says – so?

DAVID:  Sooooooooooo – it’s supposed to be my shift at the bar right now.

DAVID:  How’s that for smart, eh?

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