#3 Jackie Flanagan – Shock Jock

“Now listeners, I’m gonna talk about something a lot of people aren’t going to like, but that’s what I do here. That’s why you come to me. Because I tell it like it is.

“Nowadays everyone says that the world was better before She-Marvel died fighting Doctor A-bombo, but I don’t really see it. The murderers still kill, the robbers still steal and there’s still a bunch of heroes that fly around with their collective thumbs up their butt. So what really changed? Nothing, that’s what.

“Sure, people talk about all the good the She-Marvel did, about all those crimes she stopped and those villains she foiled. They talk about how awful it is that she isn’t around to prevent them anymore. But look at the statistics. The crime rates for the year preceding her death and this last year following it, virtually identical. Do you hear that? Virtually identical. Now how could she have had that big an impact on the city everyone talks about, if there’s the exact same amount of crime now as there was before, even months after she died?

“‘But, Jackie, what about the times she saved the world? Doesn’t that count for anything?’ Of course it does, if they actually happened. Not to speak ill of the dead, but look at what proof we got. Some demolished buildings, a bunch of dead people and an exclusive interview with that boytoy reporter of hers at the Galaxy. This is supposed to convince us that we were all on the brink of doom, and only were pulled back from the edge thanks to actions of our fearless hero, She-Marvel? Yeah right, I’ve met yahoos in tin hats with better evidence of aliens putting radios in their head. At least they could pick up FM.

“And for all you out Marvelinians or whatever you call yourselves, preaching about the holy gospel of She-Marvel, really that’s your choice for messiah? An alien that entered the country, entered illegally I don’t hesitate to add, and decides to undertake a dedicated career of reckless disregard for this fine country’s law and traditions. Always talking about peace and understanding, while at the same time beating the everlovin’ snot out of anyone that crossed the lines of her moral codes. Now that’s what I call a role model. Why don’t you loonies just grow mustaches and hang up pictures of Hitler? I don’t know about you but we got enough inspirations on this planet that we don’t need to go making a hero out of this hypocrite. Why look towards Martin Luther King or George Bush for inspiration? Why not one of the thousands of HUMANS that weren’t born with superpowers but still managed to make the world a better place?

“Now let’s go to the phones. Hello, you’re on the air with Jackie Flanagan…”

Category: 2011, Drama, Superhero