#1 The Gentleman Anteater
BEHOLD! THE MIGHTY GENTLEMAN ANTEATER. Genetically crafted to be brilliant and sizably larger than most anteaters, he lost his mind when the scientists at the lab began using Raid to disperse an ant infestation. Seeing this as a waste and an affront to nature, he became an eco-terrorist, determined to bring mankind to its knees. However, he quickly found this life to be quite un-fulfilling  and lonely, as he found most eco-terrorists to be ideological windbags heavy on rhetoric and low on brains. His schemes slowly lost their environmental tilt, and became more lucrative and nefarious as time went on.
Many years have passed, and the Gentleman Anteater has since retired to his estate, where he spends his days isolated, enjoying the finery he has collected. While he still occasionally flies into rages reminiscent of his old self, his advanced age and blossoming senility leave him best described as quite mad, but delightfully so. These days he’s more likely to offer you a scotch than rob and disembowel you, but that’s only if he can remember where he left his monocle — he’s near blind without it.
Category: Humor