#5 Christopher and Kristine Paley aka The Khrises

In 1997 the abandoned factory on the outskirts of Ephton Valley burned to the ground. By all accounts the fire was spectacular and continued for hours. The local fire department had to call in help from the next town over just to get it under control. The culprits never strayed far from the scene of the crime. They stood by watching what they told reporters was “the coolest thing we’ve ever seen! So much cooler than we expected!” They were 7 year old cousins Christopher and Kristine Paley. The article went on to explain that they claimed to be practicing a July 4th “extravaganza!” for their friends. They thought practicing in the warehouse was a good idea because there was plenty of space and no one would see them. Little Christopher and Kristine didn’t want to spoil the surprise.

Christopher and Kristine began going by “the Khrises” practically since birth. No one in Ephton Valley could keep them apart if they tried. And god knows they have tried. Every school put them in different classrooms. Their parents tried setting curfews and limiting family reunions. And yet all these attempts always fail because containing these two is like trying to contain a hurricane. If I had to describe them, I would say they’re Kiekegaard’s knights of faith crossed with an A-bomb by way of Albert Einstein.

Oh yes, they’re absolutely brilliant. They both skipped third and eighth grades. The teachers hoped by challenging their intelligence they would buckle down. Fat chance.

Truthfully, until recently I knew the Khrises by reputation only: the immature 20 year olds who still acted like they were 7 and whose talent was causing trouble. In the short time I have known them as actual people, I can say without reservation, they are awesome. It’s rare to meet one person with an unquenchable thirst for life, a heart big enough to fill a house, unwavering loyalty and a keen sense of justice. Meeting two of them is a special thing for which I am grateful.

One of my favorite stories of theirs takes place in high school. Robert Quibral caught some of the Khrises’ friends smoking a joint behind the bleachers — while he was standing guard for his own friends drinking in the parking lot. Being the hypocrite that he is, Robert ratted out the Khrises’ friends and got them suspended. Tired of injustices, the Khrises took matters into their own hands. The next day Robert came in to find his locker crazy glued shut. He had to pry it open. Prying it open, though, cracked open the stink bombs that were expertly hidden inside. Robert should have know: when you play with fire you’re going to get burned.

These days the Khrises work for Tim Grant at The Disaster. He is the only person who can keep them in line. Unsurprisingly, few people in town seem to get it. But it’s simple, really. He treats them with respect and they would go to the ends of the earth for him.

The thing with fire is that it’s essential for humanity’s prosperity and growth. It just needs to be harnessed properly. I wish the locals spent more time getting to know the Khrises and less time judging their eccentricities. They would find two people that could give back so much more to the community than they’re being allowed to.

Copyright © 2010, Rolando Garcia.
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